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March 11th, 2010


08:46 pm
You'll hear a New England/CT accent haha!


voice meme


we all have different voices and accents and it's always fun to hear what other people sound like. comment with something you want me to say, a question you want me to answer, a song you want me to sing, and i'll make a voice post in the next couple of days for you to hear. it can be anything- serious, goofy, or something you know will make my accent come out.

If you request something, Repost it!

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March 10th, 2010


11:46 am
This makes me laugh so hard. Who WASN'T in a 'band' when they were 15 8???


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11:31 am - Apparel
Do you like marine designs? Are you a fan of bold rockabilly artwork printed on tees? Would you describe yourself as a bit of a punk? Do you like designs of anchors, birds, chains, stars, roses, and skulls? Then you would love Sailor Jerry!

Sailor Jerry was a real sailor with the navy, which is where he got his maritime/americana aesthetic. He began doing traditional, artistic tattooes and eventually his designs were added to clothing, now there is a fashion line.

His pupil, Ed Hardy, started his own line with Christian Audigier and began defaming the world with his insane, seizure-inducing designs. The guy calls his aesthetic Japanese, which is why he includes designs of geishas, dragons, rising sun motif etc, but he draws on many themes that are also in the Sailor Jerry designs. Ed Hardy continues to sell but hardly anyone knows about Sailor Jerry. This kind of makes me angry because the SJ brand is so much more interesting/cool and is obviously the source of Ed Hardy's inspiration before all the blow affected his brain.

I don't have money right now or I'd be wearing all different things SJ. Anyway, I really like the clothing and just thought I'd write about it. Sorry, if you already are SJ fans!

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February 21st, 2010


05:15 pm
Not much to write! School is keeping me very, very busy. So far I have an A- and a 94 in two classes. KEEP PRAYING FOR ME! It's working.

That said, I had a lovely Valentine's Day at Sushi Awaji, delicious! First sushi I've had in a year. I gave up pastries for Lent, which was much harder than I expected. I literally crave them when I go to work. Perhaps I will lose weight??

Bond's Mother hated me so she went back to Thailand....yeah. I don't know. I wasn't expecting her to love me, but I didn't think that I was so hateable either. This really depresses me, as from my experience, Thai people love to gossip and I'm sure the rest of his family is already learning that I'm a terrible person. Bond's totally on my side, but it's really hard because I don't want him to feel "caught in between" me and his family. My life is turning into bad reality television, like something on VH1. This is incredibly frustrating, what else can I say? The reason is just ridiculous too. More on that later.

Lastly, Sebastian is a joy. All smiles and adorable sounds. If I knew how to post pictures on here I totally would. Maybe I'll learn from a nice friend? HINT HINT <3 haha

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February 12th, 2010


11:32 pm - TMI
So happy with life, so unhappy with how I look.

I'm really wanting to lose the baby weight. I'm still about 15 pounds over what I should be, and it's super-depressing. I am too busy with work and school to work out, plus my boobs are huge and uncomfortable to run with, and I am stress-eating. LIKE TERRIBLY. I just eat wherever I am, and because I'm so busy I'm not gaining weight but I sure as hell am not losing any.

I just want to pause. Like, add two extra months where I don't have to worry about money and school and work and health insurance/benefits and just take time to enjoy my baby and Bond and drop weight naturally and eat healthily. That's the other thing, I'm eating what I call heart-attack foods, fried, sweet, carbohydrates. It's ridiculous. And I think the more unhealthily you eat, the more you crave unhealthy foods.

And I don't even want to know how bad it is for Sebastian. I just don't have the time to shop/prepare healthy foods. PLEASE SEND NUTRITIONAL TRAINER GOD

I think for Lent I'm going to try to give up pastries and chocolate and maybe fried foods too. HAH! That's like half my diet.

On the plus side, my raging hormones are going away and my skin is clearing up while still retaining "the glow." Downside, hair is still falling out BUT it is strong and healthy?

I think I'm also going to try and not be so negative/neurotic for Lent.

One day I will be the person I want to be and not the one I allow myself to be.


This is just the typical LJ POST: whiny, emo, retarded


BLAAAAAAAAAAH

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February 11th, 2010


05:05 am - on the lighter side
So I can't sleep. It is 4 AM. I start to do my homework. I look outside.....TO SEE BUCKETS OF THICK WET SNOWFLAKES HURLING THEMSELVES TOWARD THE GROUND???? XDDDDDDDDDDDDD'''' (drool because I'm so excited)


It is snowing hard, like I've never ever seen in north Texas!!! I'm so happy, I feel like it's a gift from God because I haven't seen any snow at all this year and what I have seen, I didn't get to go outside and play in.

SO happy. From heaps of snowflakes tumbling out of the sky. It's so quiet and muffled, and the snowflakes are so determined, they're all "must get everything white, must must must" It's like an army of snowflakes.

I hope my mother in law doesn't make a big deal if I take the baby outside!!

One bad thing, um, there are so many bunnies outside my apartment freaking out and running around. Poor TX bunnies! I'm so worried for those bunnies, they're all going to die! I keep mentally directing them to the open garages of the apt. Maybe it's warm inside?

Maybe I'll make a seed trail towards them spelling "in here you dumb bunnies."

Um, I may sound like I'm joking, but I love animals and am worried, so you should all pray that they don't freeze. If you don't know what to say, St. Francis is the patron saint of animals, so just be like, "hey, Frank, you gonna help those bunnies out???" anyway



SNOW!


PS: I get to listen to WHITE SONG by HYDE for the first time in years! It is so lame and cheesy, but it is my tradition since I was 15. YES.
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: HYDE - WHITE SONG betches

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February 9th, 2010


04:38 pm
Ask me anything I will answer

formspring.me/bananasurplus

More about therapist later

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February 5th, 2010


12:49 am
Here is a good description of how I feel right now:

Callous, whatever, abandoned, misunderstood, angry, upset, what the fuck, worthless, insufficient, failure, cold, indignant, sad, gutted, heartbroken, outcast, stupid, emotional, petty, self-pitying, nauseous. Why.


Clearly I am a failure in every function to everyone. My supervisor thinks I act superior and lazy. The dean at my school thinks I am a failure. My friends think I am not worth the time. My parents think I am entitled and greedy. My sister thinks I am self-pitying, I have rolls of fat, my hair is falling out,my breasts are sagging, my skin looks like pizza, I am exhausted and barely keeping up with school and I am an all around mess. I wouldn't want me as a friend either. I am going to see a therapist today at 2 because I am afraid that without prompt action I am going to my mess up my son's life. Wouldn't want my emotional garbage to negatively affect one more human, especially my Sebastian.

Here's hoping that I'm not a total waste of space. I don't even care what people think because I just can't have a lower opinion of myself than I already have.
Current Music: MUCC - 9gatsu 3ka no kokuin
Tags:

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February 3rd, 2010


01:29 am
So some friends of mine really hurt me by lying/gossiping about me a while back. I was so taken aback at what I read, I'll never forget it.

The problem is I haven't brought it up, one because I didn't want to cause trouble and just be the bigger person and two, because I honestly didn't know how. I thought it wouldn't matter but we've both been dancing around the issue. We have nothing to say to each other because we're not close anymore. I want to be close again, I love them very much, but I have this ball of hurt, disappointment, anger and upset stuck in my throat. It makes me say dumb things and not be honest about my life with them.

I can feel us D R I F T I N G apart as a result.

I don't know what to do. I love X so much but I feel like I can't be honest again. They judged me so harshly and cruelly, you guys, I don't think any of you would say that about your worst enemies.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I definitely didn't help any situation because I'm awkward and shy and uncomfortable. Rather than say something that might hurt anyone (myself included) I would rather not say anything at all. I've never been very good at trusting anyone, including my family, so I probably hurt X by not letting them in on my daily life.

I just want to start from scratch, really. I feel like we have to work on our relationship but the sad thing is I really get the feeling they don't want to. Which is horrible because these people were my best friends

POINT: If we've hurt each other, please, let's tell each other. It really eats me up not knowing if we're ever going to be ok. I don't want our friendship to disappear. I'm sorry for being the way I am and I'll always try to be a better friend. I'm sorry for all the times I haven't been there for you.

Anyway, one of my new year's resolutions was to be more positive and thankful. I can't help my emotions and it doesn't fester if I just let it out, so I can vent here, but I am trying to be a more grateful person. Soooo

Thank you mimei, nightflight, slippedinred honeychamomile, kazekijo, andiecircus, robinwyn, nullspace!!!

Your comments and words last year really boosted my spirits. I was so depressed and worried all the time about my personal life, my job, school, money, health insurance, the baby, Bond and my relationship, and I truly truly felt like I had no one to turn to. Close friends and I couldn't even talk to each other, and I was so down, I didn't know what was going to happen to me. But I truly feel blessed that you all came into my life/were there for me. You have no idea the power of kind words and a loving heart.



And just holding Sebastian in my arms soothes me. He is amazing.

Thank you from the bottom of mine.
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic

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January 30th, 2010


08:52 am
Not really good at staying in touch. It doesn't matter anyway because when I do reach out no-one responds. It's like I'm grinding all of my friendships into the dust.

I'm sure you've all realized by now that I'm not that good a friend. Sorry! You'll find better ones soon and easily. Sorry I'm such a reject,

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